No Mans Land.

Spending a while with someone that has known me a long time has its advantages.

The last few days have been spent with Di Gilbert. We’ve known each other for many years and its been good to spend some time together again. We said goodbye this morning with a hug and that famous ‘Giblet’ smile :)

I know that I’m a little out of sorts, have been for a while I suppose, but it gets forced home when someone you know, or more to the point, knows you, tells you that you're not right, you’ve lost your mojo, you’re in a strange place......No mans land.

Acknowledging the fact that something is wrong is half the battle, and I do accept that. Finding out what it is that’s causing my loss of ‘sparkle’ is a different thing.

At least its good to have friends that feel comfortable enough to tell you! 

Di has never been one to hold back!!

I really didn’t expect to be in this position right now, single again, in a different country and away from family and friends. What part has the failed relationship played in all this? I did really believe it would be ‘happy ever after’ and the fact that it hasn’t worked is a bitter pill to swallow.

The sinus and nose surgery? I do have a general ‘not 100%’ feeling, still a touch of dizziness from time to time..... That too is having a negative effect on my general well being. 

Am I home sick for Kalymnos? Missing my life and friends there? This is possible too. 

Am I just a little under the weather, coming down with a cold or something...?

Who knows. Certainly there’s still something playing on my mind regarding the ending of things with Themis, plus friendships, relationships, love and life, lack of energy, and growing older.

Surely a combination of all these things and a good deal of confusion around how to make things better.

Its hard sometimes, to hear the truth, but interesting too, especially if one is in a receptive frame of mind, as I am. I know something is wrong but I don’t know what exactly, and it’s refreshing to hear that its not just me, that others can see it too. Catrin, who’s known me for all of 5 or 6 days, says simply to go and ‘see someone neutral and fix your fucked head’. Blunt, but probably spot on!

I’m trying to relax about it all, just go with the flow and see what happens, not forcing anything. I’ve tried that way before and it never usually leads to sound decisions!

I’ll see my best buddy soon, and I’ll see mom soon too. She’s always right, and always knows best.

Update 13/11/22

Re Di and Catrin. 

After a while, and after a great deal of thought I realised it wasn’t all me. Di has changed, a lot, and not in a good way. 

I can only guess at why, I have my opinions, but I think the combination of her changes and my own, plus my own lack of confidence at that time due to life’s uncertainty made it feel like she was right, and I was wrong. I don’t buy that anymore. I think she was only partly right, but looking at it through a new, weirdly strange lense.